Teens should stay as white as possible for as long as possible

Okay, so maybe a 13-year-old hitting up the local tanning salon (do they call them salons?) every week. And yes, I'll agree that most people who fake tan too much look like they are of nasty orange leather. And yes, teens don't, or shouldn't, have enough cash to spend on fake tans.

But...

Is Alex Cullen so bored that legislating tanning bed use is an absolute must? Seriously man, set some priorities. This guy wants to be mayor and this is the kind of thing he wants to make headlines for?
Though some have argued that this is for the kids' own good, it is not anything like the smoking ban in Ottawa. Cigarettes are bad for you. Tanning obviously isn't an awesome thing to do constantly, but the evidence isn't strong enough yet to support banning it for anyone under 18. It's just another example of politicians with God complexes trying to tell people how to live. There are more important issues, give it up!

The true meaning of summer

I got stuck in a little traffic on the way to work this morning and, as I idled, I began thinking about how and why I like summer so much. While I didn't come up with anything groundbreaking (it's hot, which means I can wear shorts and drink on patios), I did come up with one very important thing that I do not like about summer. And that, ladies and gents, is old men. More specifically, old men jogging. Even more specifically, old men who feel the need to go running without shirts on. Okay, I get it, it's hot out. But come on gramps, keep the clothes on. Honestly, I drove past three members of the 60+ crowd going for a run today, all without shirts, all very white-haired and hairy, and all with bigger tits than most women I know. Even when I see a young guy, in good shape, perhaps even ripped going for a jog (like me...just kidding...I don't jog) without a shirt on, I still have to wonder what he's trying to prove. But old men? Yikes. Let's keep it PG here, folks....Switching gears, does anyone else find it funny that a bunch of German movie critics are really pissed off about the realism of Quentin Tarantino's new Nazi-killing movie, Inglourious Basterds? They are saying that the flick doesn't differentiate between Nazis and regular Germans and that it doesn't stick to historical facts. I'll give them their first argument, because clearly not all Germans were Nazis, but as for history, this is a Tarantino movie. Dude's not exactly known for making movies that could or have happened in real life. Have we all seen Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bills? I don't think he's ever said that Basterds is based on a true story, so can we all just relax and enjoy watching Nazis being tortured and scalped? Because that sounds awesome...Michael Vick just got out of jail and is serving the remainder of his dog fighting sentence under house arrest. Think he'll be allowed to have pets to keep him company?...Wal-Mart has announced that it won't carry Green Day's new album because the band won't offer a censored version of the record. Seriously? Since when did a bit of swearing become the end of the world? Are we in 1920 still? If that's the case they should probably stop selling condoms and makeup marketed to 7-year olds, too.

Wine + Talking + Outside (should not) = fall off balcony

Cops are saying alcohol might have been a factor in a 25-year-old Ontario woman falling off a balcony while visiting friends in Montreal. I've been pretty drunk on different occasions and have never once come closing to taking a header off a balcony. How the hell does that happen?...A shooting in the Byward market left one person dead and one injured early Thursday morning. This apparently had something to do with one bar hosting a hip hop night, while the one above it was hosting gay night. Someone actually said that out loud, to a reporter. Good call...No new cases of the Mexican Flu have been reported in Ottawa yet today. Could this global pandemic of ridiculousness be slowing down?...24 star Kiefer Sutherland is in some shit again for headbutting some guy. Who headbutts?! Takin' our TV role a little too far, are we?...Liberal MPP Ruby Dahla is getting some serious flack for allegedly mistreating her two live in nannies. Shockingly (and by that I mean it is in no way shocking), Tory MPP Lisa MacLeod made some comments about how outraged she was about it. I'm starting to think MacLeod has a prepared list of comments designed to express outrage taped to her desk and she just randomly picks a different one every day. Kind of like a more annoying Dilbert calendar...

More swines in Ottawa

The city now has two, count'em TWO, confirmed cases of the H1N1/swine/Mexican flu (that's what I'm going to call it now I think). Neither required hospitalization. Maybe we should start reporting every case of the regular flu or food poisoning too...Europe's parliament has voted to ban the import of seal-products coming from the annual seal hunt. Why is everyone so outraged about this? We hunt lots of different animals, but seals are cute so that pisses us off apparently. Clubbing them is also not barbaric, apparently it's the most humane way of doing it. It's a huge revenue generator and there are shitloads of seals out there. Perhaps we should start clubbing European politicians instead...

Blog vs. blog

It seems that a lesser known City of Ottawa-related blog wants in on the limelight currently occupied by the very anti-O'Brien Zero Means Zero. Though it doesn't appear to be a new blog, I didn't know City Holler! existed today. That said, whoever authors this one (like Zero Means Zero, it's anonymous) has done some pretty solid research in trying to figure out who authors ZMZ, as they refer to it, a pretty interesting read...Though it's adjourned until Monday, the two sides in Larry's trial will be arguing over the admissibility of lots and lots of hearsay (i.e. I heard the following during a ridiculously expensive lunch at Hy's...Terry Kilrea is supposed to take the stand first when the trial resumes next week. Should be entertaining (okay, maybe that's too strong a word, but still)...Ottawa councillors are worried that the trial is going to take attention away from them and other "important" news stories. One might suggest to them that they should avoid publicity for a little bit based on the headlines in the last year...Ottawa has ONE confirmed case of the swine flu. Yep, one. Pretty scary, huh? Talk to me if that number hits 1,000. Wonder how many people this news will make rush out and by face masks...Vanilla Ice has been added to the list of performers for this year's edition of Bluesfest. Comeback of the year, anyone? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have also been added, which is a whole lot cooler...

Can we bring popcorn into court?

As a journalist, I am obviously curious about the goings on inside courtroom 36 in Ottawa, where Mayor Larry O'Brien is currently on trial . But by all accounts, this legal escapade is going to be reallllly boring. Oh well, I'm still considering setting a booth up outside of the courthouse to sell Larry vs. Terry t-shirts....Too bad cameras aren't allowed in, how awesome would it be to have our very own O.J. Simpson televised affair, without the murder charges and the defendant being a black former NFLer, but still sorta the same...The Ottawa Sun's Derek Puddicombe is way too excited about being able to blog live from the courtroom? I'm all for quick updates but telling everyone court is breaking for 15 minutes is a little excessive...Anyone else notice that despite the WHO saying the name of the swine flu wasn't a critical issue and the pork producers should just chill, the media is now calling it by its scientific name H1N1? Does anyone really give two shits what we're calling it? Personally I'm calling it the "Reason I don't roll around in pig pens anymore flu"...Ben Mulroney is has suggested that Canadian Idol producers should "blow up the model" if the show comes back for another season. If Mulroney is the model, I like where his head's at. All you would need is one spark and whatever he greases his hair down with would burn QUICKLY...Federal Finance Minister Jim Flaherty's wife is a PC MPP and a possible leadership candidate to replace John Tory. Wow, and the winner of the "which couple would you least care about learning up a reality show situation" is...

Cars, cell phones and bike cops: Based on a true story

Knock knock.
Who's there?
"Get off your cell phone, now."
Get off your cell phone, now, who?
"It's against the law now."
...I don't get it.
That pretty much sums up the exchange I had with one of Ottawa's finest over the lunch hour today.
I had just dropped a friend off at at work after our weekly-or-so pilgrimage to the Elgin Street Diner and was cruising up Elgin on my way to work when I stopped at a red light. As I idled, an Ottawa Police officer rolled up on his bicycle. As I continued to idle, my car dealership called me to tell me how much they plan to gouge me for today for some minor car repairs.
I was talking to James (his real name) from the dealership, when Constable Tight Bike Shorts rapped his bike glove-covered knuckles on my passenger-side window.
I jumped, thinking that I was about to get car jacked by a homeless person and then, noticing Bikey McGee glaring at me, rolled down the window.
That's when the above exchange took place.
My stunned response to the not particularly nice officer's demand that I hang up my phone because it was no illegal to drive while chatting was something really intelligent like "Oh, is it?"
His snarkey response was something like: "Would I tell you it was if it wasn't?"
Good point.
So, in the span of about 17 seconds I learned a couple valuable lessons. The first, the law governing cell phone use in cars that I thought was ABOUT to come into effect, is, in fact, in effect now. The second, cops patrolling the streets on bicycles are more grumpy than those riding in cruisers or on motorcycles. I attribute this to the fact that they have to exercise while working and are dressed in less-than-flattering bike clothes.
The point is, get a headset, folks.

Fear mongering: diseased pigs and crashing stock markets

Today I woke up with a short-lived tightening in my chest, which immediately made me think if maybe I had been to Mexico recently and had simply forgotten.
I have never been to Mexico.
Then I thought the tightness may be due to stress caused by the state of the stock market.
I don't own stock in anything and never have.
In the end, the cause of the pain in my chest was that I had slept for several hours on my stomach, with the remote control for my TV pressing into my ribs.
However, the fact that the state of the stock market and the possibility of contracting the suddenly everywhere flu worried me, well, worried me.
Sure, I have an appropriate amount of concern over the faltering economy, but it doesn't keep me up at night and I have no immediate plans to jump off a tall building.
I also have no reason to worry about falling ill with this pig-carried flu because there have been only a handful of cases of it in Canada so far and they've all been pretty mild.
So why even think about it?
It's pretty hard not to, I'd say, thanks to this culture of fear mongering that has suddenly begun rolling again with renewed vigour.
Sure, it's pretty shitty that a bunch of Mexicans have died from this, until recently, fairly rare flu that has managed to hope over the border into our country, and several others. But at the same time, the comparisons between it and the Spanish flu that killed 50 million people is a little over the top, at this point anyway. Suggesting that people may want to rethink trips to Mexico for the time being is a good call, a solid precaution. But I'm sure as hell not going to start going to the gym wearing a surgical mask. Not yet anyway. But people are starting to do things like that, and for once I will blame the media. As a journalist, that is something I rarely do, but I have found the reporting on the swine flu so focused on scaring the shit out of people that most articles and news clips have largely ignored specific details about the illness. I didn't know anything about the associated symptoms of swine flu until after the first few days. Info like that was hardly ever mentioned. All I heard was "this could turn into a global pandemic, we're all doomed, blah blah blah".
That's not helping, it's just going to freak more people out.

Helmets, helmets everywhere

The City of Ottawa wants everyone to wear helmets all the time, apparently.
The city's protective services committee unanimously carried a motion by Coun. Diane Deans to get staff to draft a bylaw that, if passed, would require children and youth to wear helmets pretty much anywhere they go for fun, meaning skate parks, arenas and toboggan hills.
Now, no one has ever accused Diane Deans of being rationale, but this is just going a teeny bit too far.
Fine, if you're going to be stupid enough to ride a half-pipe on your skateboard without any head protection, you probably deserve a traumatic brain injury. But even still, is it really necessary to pass laws to mandate everything?
Christ, next thing you know we're going to all have to wear helmets when walking down an icy street. God knows I've fallen while doing that and lived to talk about it.
It gets to a point where we need to let people make their own decisions, stupid or not. Yes, parents should likely be making their kids wear helmets when they go for a bike ride, not because it's the law but because it makes sense. Bikes can go fast, you're elevated off the ground. You fall and bam. Coma. Maybe. But it's insane to start forcing this type of all-encompassing legislation on the world, or city in this case. As I said, there are some activities where it's just common sense to wear protection (err, get your mind out of the gutter, that's not what I'm talking about). And what, the city has so many extra bylaw officers that they are going to start hanging out at skate parks giving kids tickets? Yeah right. The average teenager will tell said officer to fuck off, while a helmet-less seven-year-old will just burst into tears and run home, likely getting hit by a car in the process.
If this bylaw does pass, you can't start giving kids tickets. How the hell can you? The average kid doesn't carry ID, so what's the bylaw guy or gal going to write on the ticket when the youngster exercises his right to remain silent (I might watch too many cop shows).
As for toboggan hills, how often have you seen kids riding a crazy carpet wearing a ski helmet? Not many, because unless you are sledding near trees, which is idiotic to begin with, what are you going to hit your head on.
Once again, City of Ottawa, there are more pressing issues.

Pre-trial credits, seriously?

God love Canada's justice system, eh?
Some defence lawyer is pissed because of a Conservative government plan to get rid of a time-served credit for people waiting to go on trial, meaning that if you commit (allegedly of course) a crime and spend time in custody before your trial, you get credited for two days served of your sentence for every one day actually served.
Say what? Why are we giving criminals credit for anything? Oh, it must have been tough spending 30 days in a detention centre for raping the old lady, so when you get sentenced, we'll just round that 30 days up to 60 and knock that off your time in jail. High five!
This lawyer, Mark Ertel, sounds like just the king of guy that gives criminal defence lawyers the type of not so amazing reputation they have. I can get on board with knocking the actual number of days served pre-trial of a sentence, but barely. The idea of two-for-ones is insane.
I'm not saying I support the idea of getting rid of this farce as a detterent to people committing crime, because as University of Ottawa criminology Prof. Irvin Waller put it in a story in the Ottawa Sun today, "we know the length of prison sentences makes no difference to deterrence."
I buy that. I just don't see why we should reward criminals for hanging out in jail before their trials.

Twittery, dickory, dock

People who constantly update their Facebook statuses with boring details about their lives that very few other people, if any, actually care about, drive me crazy.
I don't care that you like/love your boyfriend/girlfriend. I assume you do.
I don't care that you don't feel like going to work. Neither do I.
And I don't care that you are confused/upset/angry/discouraged. You are only posting that so someone will ask you why.
The above is why the extent of my status updates on Facebook generally consist of plugging my blog or my photography website.
And then yesterday I signed up for Twitter. Having banged around on the site for a bit, I've got to say I'm pleased that someone managed to take the status update concept and turn it into something useful. Basically, as far as I can tell, Twitter is just the status portion of Facebook, which rids you of all the creepy stalker stuff and 16-year-olds who take endless self-portraits of themselves for the sole purpose of a FB album.
Now, I still don't really care about the average person's status updates. (Again, if it's 1 p.m. on a Wednesday, I assume you are at work, so posting that you're at work is kind of redundant.) But I've already found many useful people to follow (if you don't understand what that means you are out of touch and should look it up) on Twitter where the updates are actually interesting.
With this tool, you can follow news sites, entertainment sites, celebrities, tech-savvy politicians, etc. and get quick and informative updates in 140 words or less. From what I can see, many news sites (CBC, CTV, etc.) are using it to frequently post headlines of big stories, and that's awesome. It saves me the time from having to screw around on sometimes less-than-stellar websites to find stuff. A former journalism professor of mine has posted links to websites useful to anyone in the business and that is also very cool. I also think it will be even more useful once more people catch on and those boring "I'm at work" status updates may actually become useful. For example, you're trying to track down a friend, you can check their Twitter feed to find out, they are in fact on their way to meet you, assuming they have updated their account.
So again, here's another online tool for people to keep tabs on us wherever we are, but so far it seems this one could significantly more useful, and a lot less violating, than Facebook.

To helmet or not to helmet

The sudden death of actress Natasha Richardson on the ski slopes of Mont Tremblant are adding some serious fuel to the debate of whether or not skiers should be forced to wear helmets while on the hills.
I have a bit of a hypocritical view on the subject, because while I think that people should wear a helmet skiing/snowboarding, I have never -- with the noted exception of when I used to race and helmets were mandatory -- worn a helmet skiing. I probably never will wear one skiing, unless of course I am required to do so.
I can't really defend my defiance here as I really can't think of an argument that would justify my not wearing one. If I had to, I would probably say that because I fall under the category of an advanced skier, the odds of me tipping over and knocking my head on the ground (such as was the case with Richardson) are likely slim. I've taken some pretty nasty falls in the 20 or so years I've been a skier, and never once have I been worried about suffering a head injury. In fact, when I've taken big spills on a ski hill my head is usually the last of my worries, after worrying about breaking a limb or my skis. I don't glade ski (skiing around trees) so I'm not too worried about crashing into a tree. If I did glade ski, I would most definitely sport a helmet. I don't do any kind of intense ski jumping, either. So I feel that, while I probably should wear a helmet, the risk of me cracking my head open on a ski hill are relatively minimal.
So this brings me to my point and my thoughts on the idea of forcing helmets on skiers. Don't. But there should be some system in place where skiers of a lower skill should be made to wear them. Richardson was apparently a novice skier, was skiing on a beginner run (I've been on the run in question, and it is about as flat and harmless-looking as it gets) and it sounds as if she more or less tipped over and hit her head. As it is, the odds of such a fall causing a fatal head injury are slim, and the odds of an expert skier falling that way are likely even slimmer.
So for experienced skiers comfortable on any run, helmets should be a personal choice. For anyone else though, I don't dispute that helmets save lives and therefore should be worn by the less experienced.

Bus ads aren't a big deal, so chill and enjoy your life

I'm not going to get into any sort of is there or isn't there a god debate. I'm not religious, and that's a personal decision. There are many, probably too many, religious out there, and most of them believe in a different god, and if it makes you happy to believe that your god is the only "real" one, or if you want to believe that there is a universe full of diverse gods, or if you think it's all bullshit, then more power to you. It's your business.
But if I've learned anything in my career in newspapers, and I hope that I have at least learned a thing or two so far, it's that you have some cash, you pretty much buy advertising space for anything. You want to hook up with a transvestite midget, buy an ad. You want to sell extra book shelves you don't have room for, buy an ad. You want to find a good room in an inexpensive, though maybe slightly cult-ish, home for your senile parent, buy an ad.
And, of course, if you want to tell everyone to relax because, hey, there probably isn't a god, buy an ad.
If the City of Ottawa does, and they likely will, decide to allow ads by an atheist group that says something like, "there probably isn't a god, so relax and enjoy your day", they will be making the right decision. Sure, the ad is probably expensive as hell and will be rather large, they aren't advertising anything illegal or immoral.
If a religious group feels like buying a bunch of ads that says "god loves you", go ahead. Regardless of what an ad says doesn't mean it's true, whatever the message is. For the religious folk that want to spend their time protesting this, they may want to ask themselves the question of how strong their faith really is. If you are a true believer, an ad that says there isn't a god shouldn't make you feel differently. To these people I say stop worrying about what other people will think when they see these ads. It's their business, and their beliefs are just as a valuable as yours. So relax and enjoy your day, however you want to do that. There are bigger fish to fry.

You're a stupid face!...no, you are...I know you are but what am I

Children, children, take it easy.
That is the message coming from Ontario Speaker Steve Peters to the rest of the provincial legislature because they are apparently acting like, well, children.
Now, it's no secret that politicians can be more catty and more immature than your average 12-year-old, but not often do you hear the Speaker come out and tell them to shut up and grow up.
Good advice, though.
Peters' quotes (in today's Sun) on the issue have been pretty funny too, with him saying "this does not in my view include the kind of schoolyard name-calling and derision that has become the trend of late."
He followed that up by saying that MPPs should not be talking about "booze cruises" and "bathroom breaks".
What the hell kind of conversation were they having when booze cruises and bathroom breaks came up? Amazing.
Watching a debate in the Ontario legislature, or in the House of Commons, has got to be one of the most ridiculous spectacles in the world. Seriously, it more often than not seems like our elected representatives would rather sling shit at each other than actually get anything accomplished.
And we wonder why the Canadian political scene has deteriorated into such a joke.
Hmm.

Pot to kettle: you're black

So the North Koreans made rare move of asking for a meeting with American-led U.N. forces in South Korea today. Their goal, apparently, was to reduce mounting tensions between the the crazy communist side of Korea (North), and the less crazy and not at all communist side (South, obviously).
I guess the North Koreans are worried that things are starting to get a little unfriendly between the two sides and they could be -- wait for this shocker -- on the brink of war.
Just to be clear here, it's been a long while since the two Koreas were friends. Since the Korean war in the early/mid fifties, actually, so this tension isn't exactly a new thing.
Anyway, this time around the North Koreans are pissed about upcoming US/South Korean military drills that are going to be taking place.
Again, the North is always said to have their fingers on the big red "nuclear kaboom" button, so it seems a little weird that they'd be surprised that the South is getting a little more prepared in the event that shit hits the fan.
Again, I digress.
The truly amusing part of this story, I think, is that the crazies in North Korea called the meeting to diffuse tension, yet at the same time their "newspaper"* said the following: "This is nothing but reckless provocative acts of pushing the tense situation on the Korean peninsula closer to the outbreak of a nuclear war."
So, while the North Koreans were trying to say, "hey, chill, lets be friends and blow each other up", the country is also saying, "hey, we should chill and not blow each other up, but if you guys don't stop preparing in the event that we decide to bomb you, we're going to blow you the fuck up."
That's some seriously twisted logic. Only the North Koreans could try to diffuse this kind of conflict by threatening to nuke their adversary.
In any event, does anyone else find it a tad hypocritical for the North Koreans to try to stop these military training sessions (which happen every year and haven't usually been a problem) because they think it's a prequel to an invasion, when the same pissed off dudes that worship a dead leader are preparing to "test" long-range missiles.
Chew on that one.
*NOTE:I put the word newspaper in quotes here because it's really hard to have a traditional, unbiased newspaper in a communists country)