Cars, cell phones and bike cops: Based on a true story

Knock knock.
Who's there?
"Get off your cell phone, now."
Get off your cell phone, now, who?
"It's against the law now."
...I don't get it.
That pretty much sums up the exchange I had with one of Ottawa's finest over the lunch hour today.
I had just dropped a friend off at at work after our weekly-or-so pilgrimage to the Elgin Street Diner and was cruising up Elgin on my way to work when I stopped at a red light. As I idled, an Ottawa Police officer rolled up on his bicycle. As I continued to idle, my car dealership called me to tell me how much they plan to gouge me for today for some minor car repairs.
I was talking to James (his real name) from the dealership, when Constable Tight Bike Shorts rapped his bike glove-covered knuckles on my passenger-side window.
I jumped, thinking that I was about to get car jacked by a homeless person and then, noticing Bikey McGee glaring at me, rolled down the window.
That's when the above exchange took place.
My stunned response to the not particularly nice officer's demand that I hang up my phone because it was no illegal to drive while chatting was something really intelligent like "Oh, is it?"
His snarkey response was something like: "Would I tell you it was if it wasn't?"
Good point.
So, in the span of about 17 seconds I learned a couple valuable lessons. The first, the law governing cell phone use in cars that I thought was ABOUT to come into effect, is, in fact, in effect now. The second, cops patrolling the streets on bicycles are more grumpy than those riding in cruisers or on motorcycles. I attribute this to the fact that they have to exercise while working and are dressed in less-than-flattering bike clothes.
The point is, get a headset, folks.

Fear mongering: diseased pigs and crashing stock markets

Today I woke up with a short-lived tightening in my chest, which immediately made me think if maybe I had been to Mexico recently and had simply forgotten.
I have never been to Mexico.
Then I thought the tightness may be due to stress caused by the state of the stock market.
I don't own stock in anything and never have.
In the end, the cause of the pain in my chest was that I had slept for several hours on my stomach, with the remote control for my TV pressing into my ribs.
However, the fact that the state of the stock market and the possibility of contracting the suddenly everywhere flu worried me, well, worried me.
Sure, I have an appropriate amount of concern over the faltering economy, but it doesn't keep me up at night and I have no immediate plans to jump off a tall building.
I also have no reason to worry about falling ill with this pig-carried flu because there have been only a handful of cases of it in Canada so far and they've all been pretty mild.
So why even think about it?
It's pretty hard not to, I'd say, thanks to this culture of fear mongering that has suddenly begun rolling again with renewed vigour.
Sure, it's pretty shitty that a bunch of Mexicans have died from this, until recently, fairly rare flu that has managed to hope over the border into our country, and several others. But at the same time, the comparisons between it and the Spanish flu that killed 50 million people is a little over the top, at this point anyway. Suggesting that people may want to rethink trips to Mexico for the time being is a good call, a solid precaution. But I'm sure as hell not going to start going to the gym wearing a surgical mask. Not yet anyway. But people are starting to do things like that, and for once I will blame the media. As a journalist, that is something I rarely do, but I have found the reporting on the swine flu so focused on scaring the shit out of people that most articles and news clips have largely ignored specific details about the illness. I didn't know anything about the associated symptoms of swine flu until after the first few days. Info like that was hardly ever mentioned. All I heard was "this could turn into a global pandemic, we're all doomed, blah blah blah".
That's not helping, it's just going to freak more people out.

Helmets, helmets everywhere

The City of Ottawa wants everyone to wear helmets all the time, apparently.
The city's protective services committee unanimously carried a motion by Coun. Diane Deans to get staff to draft a bylaw that, if passed, would require children and youth to wear helmets pretty much anywhere they go for fun, meaning skate parks, arenas and toboggan hills.
Now, no one has ever accused Diane Deans of being rationale, but this is just going a teeny bit too far.
Fine, if you're going to be stupid enough to ride a half-pipe on your skateboard without any head protection, you probably deserve a traumatic brain injury. But even still, is it really necessary to pass laws to mandate everything?
Christ, next thing you know we're going to all have to wear helmets when walking down an icy street. God knows I've fallen while doing that and lived to talk about it.
It gets to a point where we need to let people make their own decisions, stupid or not. Yes, parents should likely be making their kids wear helmets when they go for a bike ride, not because it's the law but because it makes sense. Bikes can go fast, you're elevated off the ground. You fall and bam. Coma. Maybe. But it's insane to start forcing this type of all-encompassing legislation on the world, or city in this case. As I said, there are some activities where it's just common sense to wear protection (err, get your mind out of the gutter, that's not what I'm talking about). And what, the city has so many extra bylaw officers that they are going to start hanging out at skate parks giving kids tickets? Yeah right. The average teenager will tell said officer to fuck off, while a helmet-less seven-year-old will just burst into tears and run home, likely getting hit by a car in the process.
If this bylaw does pass, you can't start giving kids tickets. How the hell can you? The average kid doesn't carry ID, so what's the bylaw guy or gal going to write on the ticket when the youngster exercises his right to remain silent (I might watch too many cop shows).
As for toboggan hills, how often have you seen kids riding a crazy carpet wearing a ski helmet? Not many, because unless you are sledding near trees, which is idiotic to begin with, what are you going to hit your head on.
Once again, City of Ottawa, there are more pressing issues.