Teens should stay as white as possible for as long as possible

Okay, so maybe a 13-year-old hitting up the local tanning salon (do they call them salons?) every week. And yes, I'll agree that most people who fake tan too much look like they are of nasty orange leather. And yes, teens don't, or shouldn't, have enough cash to spend on fake tans.

But...

Is Alex Cullen so bored that legislating tanning bed use is an absolute must? Seriously man, set some priorities. This guy wants to be mayor and this is the kind of thing he wants to make headlines for?
Though some have argued that this is for the kids' own good, it is not anything like the smoking ban in Ottawa. Cigarettes are bad for you. Tanning obviously isn't an awesome thing to do constantly, but the evidence isn't strong enough yet to support banning it for anyone under 18. It's just another example of politicians with God complexes trying to tell people how to live. There are more important issues, give it up!

The true meaning of summer

I got stuck in a little traffic on the way to work this morning and, as I idled, I began thinking about how and why I like summer so much. While I didn't come up with anything groundbreaking (it's hot, which means I can wear shorts and drink on patios), I did come up with one very important thing that I do not like about summer. And that, ladies and gents, is old men. More specifically, old men jogging. Even more specifically, old men who feel the need to go running without shirts on. Okay, I get it, it's hot out. But come on gramps, keep the clothes on. Honestly, I drove past three members of the 60+ crowd going for a run today, all without shirts, all very white-haired and hairy, and all with bigger tits than most women I know. Even when I see a young guy, in good shape, perhaps even ripped going for a jog (like me...just kidding...I don't jog) without a shirt on, I still have to wonder what he's trying to prove. But old men? Yikes. Let's keep it PG here, folks....Switching gears, does anyone else find it funny that a bunch of German movie critics are really pissed off about the realism of Quentin Tarantino's new Nazi-killing movie, Inglourious Basterds? They are saying that the flick doesn't differentiate between Nazis and regular Germans and that it doesn't stick to historical facts. I'll give them their first argument, because clearly not all Germans were Nazis, but as for history, this is a Tarantino movie. Dude's not exactly known for making movies that could or have happened in real life. Have we all seen Pulp Fiction and the Kill Bills? I don't think he's ever said that Basterds is based on a true story, so can we all just relax and enjoy watching Nazis being tortured and scalped? Because that sounds awesome...Michael Vick just got out of jail and is serving the remainder of his dog fighting sentence under house arrest. Think he'll be allowed to have pets to keep him company?...Wal-Mart has announced that it won't carry Green Day's new album because the band won't offer a censored version of the record. Seriously? Since when did a bit of swearing become the end of the world? Are we in 1920 still? If that's the case they should probably stop selling condoms and makeup marketed to 7-year olds, too.

Wine + Talking + Outside (should not) = fall off balcony

Cops are saying alcohol might have been a factor in a 25-year-old Ontario woman falling off a balcony while visiting friends in Montreal. I've been pretty drunk on different occasions and have never once come closing to taking a header off a balcony. How the hell does that happen?...A shooting in the Byward market left one person dead and one injured early Thursday morning. This apparently had something to do with one bar hosting a hip hop night, while the one above it was hosting gay night. Someone actually said that out loud, to a reporter. Good call...No new cases of the Mexican Flu have been reported in Ottawa yet today. Could this global pandemic of ridiculousness be slowing down?...24 star Kiefer Sutherland is in some shit again for headbutting some guy. Who headbutts?! Takin' our TV role a little too far, are we?...Liberal MPP Ruby Dahla is getting some serious flack for allegedly mistreating her two live in nannies. Shockingly (and by that I mean it is in no way shocking), Tory MPP Lisa MacLeod made some comments about how outraged she was about it. I'm starting to think MacLeod has a prepared list of comments designed to express outrage taped to her desk and she just randomly picks a different one every day. Kind of like a more annoying Dilbert calendar...

More swines in Ottawa

The city now has two, count'em TWO, confirmed cases of the H1N1/swine/Mexican flu (that's what I'm going to call it now I think). Neither required hospitalization. Maybe we should start reporting every case of the regular flu or food poisoning too...Europe's parliament has voted to ban the import of seal-products coming from the annual seal hunt. Why is everyone so outraged about this? We hunt lots of different animals, but seals are cute so that pisses us off apparently. Clubbing them is also not barbaric, apparently it's the most humane way of doing it. It's a huge revenue generator and there are shitloads of seals out there. Perhaps we should start clubbing European politicians instead...

Blog vs. blog

It seems that a lesser known City of Ottawa-related blog wants in on the limelight currently occupied by the very anti-O'Brien Zero Means Zero. Though it doesn't appear to be a new blog, I didn't know City Holler! existed today. That said, whoever authors this one (like Zero Means Zero, it's anonymous) has done some pretty solid research in trying to figure out who authors ZMZ, as they refer to it, a pretty interesting read...Though it's adjourned until Monday, the two sides in Larry's trial will be arguing over the admissibility of lots and lots of hearsay (i.e. I heard the following during a ridiculously expensive lunch at Hy's...Terry Kilrea is supposed to take the stand first when the trial resumes next week. Should be entertaining (okay, maybe that's too strong a word, but still)...Ottawa councillors are worried that the trial is going to take attention away from them and other "important" news stories. One might suggest to them that they should avoid publicity for a little bit based on the headlines in the last year...Ottawa has ONE confirmed case of the swine flu. Yep, one. Pretty scary, huh? Talk to me if that number hits 1,000. Wonder how many people this news will make rush out and by face masks...Vanilla Ice has been added to the list of performers for this year's edition of Bluesfest. Comeback of the year, anyone? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have also been added, which is a whole lot cooler...

Can we bring popcorn into court?

As a journalist, I am obviously curious about the goings on inside courtroom 36 in Ottawa, where Mayor Larry O'Brien is currently on trial . But by all accounts, this legal escapade is going to be reallllly boring. Oh well, I'm still considering setting a booth up outside of the courthouse to sell Larry vs. Terry t-shirts....Too bad cameras aren't allowed in, how awesome would it be to have our very own O.J. Simpson televised affair, without the murder charges and the defendant being a black former NFLer, but still sorta the same...The Ottawa Sun's Derek Puddicombe is way too excited about being able to blog live from the courtroom? I'm all for quick updates but telling everyone court is breaking for 15 minutes is a little excessive...Anyone else notice that despite the WHO saying the name of the swine flu wasn't a critical issue and the pork producers should just chill, the media is now calling it by its scientific name H1N1? Does anyone really give two shits what we're calling it? Personally I'm calling it the "Reason I don't roll around in pig pens anymore flu"...Ben Mulroney is has suggested that Canadian Idol producers should "blow up the model" if the show comes back for another season. If Mulroney is the model, I like where his head's at. All you would need is one spark and whatever he greases his hair down with would burn QUICKLY...Federal Finance Minister Jim Flaherty's wife is a PC MPP and a possible leadership candidate to replace John Tory. Wow, and the winner of the "which couple would you least care about learning up a reality show situation" is...

Cars, cell phones and bike cops: Based on a true story

Knock knock.
Who's there?
"Get off your cell phone, now."
Get off your cell phone, now, who?
"It's against the law now."
...I don't get it.
That pretty much sums up the exchange I had with one of Ottawa's finest over the lunch hour today.
I had just dropped a friend off at at work after our weekly-or-so pilgrimage to the Elgin Street Diner and was cruising up Elgin on my way to work when I stopped at a red light. As I idled, an Ottawa Police officer rolled up on his bicycle. As I continued to idle, my car dealership called me to tell me how much they plan to gouge me for today for some minor car repairs.
I was talking to James (his real name) from the dealership, when Constable Tight Bike Shorts rapped his bike glove-covered knuckles on my passenger-side window.
I jumped, thinking that I was about to get car jacked by a homeless person and then, noticing Bikey McGee glaring at me, rolled down the window.
That's when the above exchange took place.
My stunned response to the not particularly nice officer's demand that I hang up my phone because it was no illegal to drive while chatting was something really intelligent like "Oh, is it?"
His snarkey response was something like: "Would I tell you it was if it wasn't?"
Good point.
So, in the span of about 17 seconds I learned a couple valuable lessons. The first, the law governing cell phone use in cars that I thought was ABOUT to come into effect, is, in fact, in effect now. The second, cops patrolling the streets on bicycles are more grumpy than those riding in cruisers or on motorcycles. I attribute this to the fact that they have to exercise while working and are dressed in less-than-flattering bike clothes.
The point is, get a headset, folks.